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There's a kind of benevolently judgmental language that is used by many to talk down to sexually active teens. We should be free to make the decisions that are right for us — and I still think losing my virginity at 16 was absolutely the right choice for me. Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way , which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page. My memories of adolescence basically consist of an endless, pummeling wave of horniness, which was punctuated every so often by school and Seinfeld reruns both of which, if I am being honest, also fed my general horniness. I realized fairly early on that my sexuality was one of the primary lenses through which I experienced the world, and I was eager to personally experience some of the activities that I spent every waking moment thinking about. I failed spectacularly at all of these activities even when I tried, so I liked that losing my virginity took me out of the running in a race I had never signed on to be a part of. But not everyone is unsure at 16, just as not everyone is sure at not everyone would be happier if they waited. Given that I didn't play by that script, there's sometimes an expectation that I regret what I did. But as I got older, I realized that 16 reads as a bit young for sex to many people — they didn't see me as the heroine of my own sexual destiny, but instead as a kid who wasn't old enough to be trusted to make decisions about her body. My way was right for me, and I would never say that it is right for everyone — for some people, losing your virginity under a specific set of circumstances is incredibly meaningful, and being respectful of that is part of being respectful of sexuality in general. I didn't think those urges were shameful or bad. I was incredibly curious about what life as an actively sexual person would be like, and I was proud of myself for listening to my heart on this one, instead of a world that felt my desires were negative. Here are five reasons why.

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Description: Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way , which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page. Though no one has ever had to ovaries to say this to me directly, I know the assumptions that many people jump to when they hear about a high school sexual experience. For me, this could not have been further from the truth. My way was right for me, and I would never say that it is right for everyone — for some people, losing your virginity under a specific set of circumstances is incredibly meaningful, and being respectful of that is part of being respectful of sexuality in general. But my experience losing my virginity wasn't great because the bed was covered in rose petals, because I had hit some arbitrary age marker beforehand, or because the guy I lost it to became my husband in the parlance of our times. Though I regret many things from my teen years — such as my mistaken belief that red eyeshadow is ever a good idea — I have never regretted the circumstances surrounding the loss of my virginity. For almost all of us, quite the opposite was true. Brooke Shields, who waited until she was 22, told Health that she wished she had lost her virginity sooner , because she felt that if she had, "I would have been much more in touch with myself. Our cultural concerns about young women being pressured into having sex can be positive and important — many people of all ages are manipulated into going beyond their sexual limits and engaging in activities that make them feel unhappy and unsafe, and its important that people feel they have the kind of support that they need in order to stick to their boundaries. There's a kind of benevolently judgmental language that is used by many to talk down to sexually active teens. I have a hard time remembering the things that ostensibly took up the bulk of my high school existence, like French subjunctive pronouns or the key symbolism in House of the Seven Gables. Even though I felt less pressure than many of my peers to visibly be a "good girl," there was still a cultural expectation that all young women should be interested in pleasing as many authority figures as possible, gaging their self-worth based on romantic attention, and holding on to their virginity until some undisclosed future date. I was a teen in the late '90s, a time when Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson spent a lot of time making public proclamations about saving their virginity for marriage, and a mania for " abstinence education" and purity pledges swept the nation. While I'm sure these things are true about many people's first sexual experiences, they had nothing to do with mine.
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