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To add to that, my body had matured past the point where tankini sets and board shorts looked fitting on me — too girlish on my grown ish , very feminine body. I even bought an expensive sunscreen enriched with a laundry list of vitamins and minerals that would guarantee the ultimate bronzing effect. College brought more exposure to queer culture. Though it wasn't what I had in mind, after a few glances in the mirror, I could admit to myself that the bikini looked good on me and that I was comfortable with my womanly curves being on display. Once I gave myself that approval, I could not have cared less what anyone else thought. They would be tight on me and show off the parts of my torso that bulged and poked, but it was far preferable to those frilly looking tankini tops that my mother would pick out. As I got older, I came to appreciate some of my feminine characteristics — I didn't want to fight my body anymore. When I was 21, years after those Girl Scout summers had ended, my mother booked a cruise to the Bahamas to celebrate my brother's high school graduation. I realized that the source of my anxieties wasn't my gender itself, but the performance of gender. They were always so low cut, but I was never keen on the idea of cleavage. Public pools and water parks are the preferred method of cooling off, and for that, you need a bathing suit. It was the fear and embarrassment of not performing "girl" correctly that kept me fully clothed while poolside all those years.

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Description: Buy Jantzen Girls One Piece Swimsuit and other One-Pieces at oberbargain.com Our wide selection is Jantzen Little Girls' Toddler 1 Piece Zebra Print Swimsuit, Print, 3T. Roll over image to Fits great and she loved it while at the water park! Heather | Fit: As .. It's way tight on my average 10yo Sdaughter! I didn't realize in . In that moment lying out on the top deck of the ship, the only thing keeping me from being completely naked were the two tiny pieces of black fabric covering my lady bits, and I was completely fine. Though many of my favorite queer Instagram pages advertised new lines of genderqueer swimwear, many of them were out of my price range. She didn't care much for my affinity for the men's section. I remember shopping for bathing suits with my mother. Those nagging totems of womanhood that protruded from my chest were my greatest source of discomfort. Intuitively, I knew it was way too hot to be fully clothed in a graphic T-shirt and jean shorts at the neighborhood pool, but I was still embarrassed and uncomfortable to be in the bright pink one piece swimsuit that I wore layered underneath. Once I gave myself that approval, I could not have cared less what anyone else thought. I looked to Instagram to find something that would make me feel comfortable. College brought more exposure to queer culture. Every summer, the troop would take a trip to Geyser Falls water park in Philadelphia, Mississippi. I was finally performing "girl," to my mother's satisfaction — but on my terms. When I was 21, years after those Girl Scout summers had ended, my mother booked a cruise to the Bahamas to celebrate my brother's high school graduation. All black, of course, with mesh trim on the top that, while trendy and femme according to Instagram, and also hid the cleavage that I still loathed. Their swimsuits were cute, and though my board shorts and surfer top were not, I felt better knowing that I had managed to obscure the things that made me insecure about my own changing body. More than anything, I was eager to finally get an even tan, front and back.
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